I was 41 when I went to law school, and I thought that was my red convertible. Nope. Turns out that was only the beginning. A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be a bad thing, even if it’s not always pretty. It’s only natural at the midpoint to look back and to look forward. I think I’ve gone looking for the parts of me that I lost, forgot or left along the way, first by taking back my fears.
Team sports are on my list of fears, along with heights, squirrels, and bears, which is sensible if you ask me, but that story will have to wait for another day.
My fear of team sports is not a new story. Yes, it goes back to grade school and high school. I was the chubby kid who couldn’t throw a ball and flinched if one came toward me. Picked last. Picked on. The easy solution was to avoid sports, and so I did. I stuck with the piano and violin.
Slowly, I’ve crept my way back to sports. Running in my 20s. Hiking in my 30s. Cycling in my 40s. You can do those in a group, but I still went alone. Team sports finally reentered my horizon when I moved to Portland. Watching the Portland Timbers for the past year, I no longer just wanted to watch. I wanted to play. I wanted to play soccer.
That was an odd feeling. After all, I walked off the pitch in 1978 without looking back.
The ten-year-old me, however, wanted a do-over.
I bought a soccer ball. Kicking the ball around in my building’s garage early in the morning, I discovered I have no coordination. And I still flinch. Nevertheless, I didn’t dive into my midlife crisis to stop there, so I set about to find a club I could join.
All I needed was a club that would welcome a middle-aged man who is a bit overweight, has never played soccer, and flinches when the ball comes toward him.
I decided on the NetRippers F.C., Portland’s LGBTQ soccer club, because their website said they welcome players of every ability.
I secretly scouted them out first, riding my bike past one of their practices. Men and women of all ages were playing, but everyone seemed to be a little too good. Where were the players of every ability? I began to think we had different definitions for “beginner.” I emailed them asking if they really meant all abilities were welcomed. I immediately got two responses back to reassure me.
Stella! and I rode to my first practice. One of the players took me aside to show me some of the very basics before joining everyone else for drills. They took the time to teach me.
The second half was a scrimmage, my first time playing a game. Ever.
They put me in as a defender. But then they coached me. I got muddy.
I blocked a shot on goal. A cross shot got past me.
I was nearly tackled by an Englishwoman half my size, a Chelsea fan through and through.
I took a ball to my chest, just as I did in 1978. This time I didn’t walk off the field. I finished the game. Best. Day. Ever.
After the scrimmage, as I left the field and sped away on my bike, I was ten again. This time I was the ten-year-old I wanted to be. I got my do-over.
(A few hours later, my so very sore body reminded me that I was no longer ten. Yoga helps.)
Related links:
- NetRippers F.C.
- Portland Timbers
- PFM Reports: A Do-over Takes Practice
- PFM Reports: Do-over: The Tournament
I am very proud of you and happy for you! Way to go!
I did my first header last weekend. Talk about cool!
Just tweeted this one. I think it’s a must-read for anyone who wants the do-over in sports (and other things). Thanks for give me a few chuckles, too.
Thank you, Jackie! I was planning to write about law school, but I think learning to play soccer was the bigger challenge!
What a great honest post! Thanks for sharing about your bravery in playing team sports. Very inspiring.
Love this post. One of the best, seriously. Off to tweet it.
Love this! I hope you’ll be at the Portland Blogathon meetup this week.
Congratulations for conquering your fears – and making me tear up before 9 a.m. Love this story. Off to share.
Michelle Rafter
P.S. Come to the Portland meeting up this Friday, I want to meet you! (details on the Google Group and in the newsletter that went out on Sunday)
Great story. I share your team sports aversion (I mean, your *former* team sports aversion) so this really struck home. But I think I’ll stick with the convertible when my mid-life crisis rolls around.
What a great story. I tweeted it, too. I miss team sports, but with a rebuilt neck, bad shoulder, rotator cuff problems, etc. those days are done. I’d love to up my hiking miles. But there is really something about being on a team and contributing that’s special.
what pizza tastes best after getting muddy playing soccer?
Sausage and garlic with extra cheese from Santarpios! If you can’t ship me a pie, I’ll settle for a really good description.
Patrick,
What a fabulous, honest, well-written essay! I’m a teamsport-phobe as well, and wonder if I’ll ever tackle that fear… Your positive experience certainly has me at least *thinking* about trying!
Patrick,
Searching on the web about people learning to play soccer as an adult, I’ve came up with this blog.
I’m 27 years old, I’m also in a kind of “third-life crisis”, and Ive always feared team sports, ESPECIALLY soccer.
Today I went to my first class, and you helped me to make up my mind and just GO.
Thanks you!
P.S.: English is not my native language, sorry if there’s any misspellings! LOL
Hi Francisco,
I’m so glad you decided to give it a try, and I hope you had fun! I enjoyed my entire first season and had such a great club in Oregon. So many of them are really quite talented, but yet patient with those of us trying to learn (really patient as I had a lot to learn!). Now that I’m in Minnesota, I found a club here, so I’m excited for the season to begin. Supposedly, the first practice will be this weekend – amazingly the weather forecast is for sunny and 60 degrees (despite the snow we just had on Monday!). Thank you for taking the time to write. It’s nice to hear more of us are putting our fears behind us!
Patrick